and anyone who has ever had to live knowing that they inflicted pain upon someone else.
LOVE AFTER I DISAPPEAR
This pain is for you–
even this love I can’t comprehend.
As I melt away you become more real.
I just want you to have the life I never had–
the life I tried to steal.
Your haggard soul is worn on your face.
It’s obvious you are tired of me.
I will be gone soon.
I will be a film reel stuck at the end–
incapable of rewinding.
Look for my name in the credits
and be grateful when you find it because it is not yours.
I see the pain on your face today.
It makes your cheekbones too visible.
I am eating your will to survive and I
don’t know how to apologize
so I’ll take my apologies to the grave
and bury them with the restless bones that
wanted to push the hair from your brow
and make it right.
I’ll bury the dust inside the dust inside the dust…
close my eyes and roll my memories like dice
to find the one where your eyes glittered.
But I’ll never find the answer
to your question because it makes no sense
so I’ll dig my grave deeper until you are alive again.